Easy as…Cake.

I’d like to start off this post with a simple disclaimer: I’m actually pretty good in the kitchen, maybe even better than you might think that I am. I just need to lead with that…

This story has been told to many people over the past 16 years or so and it has always been met with big laughs. I’m hoping that I can recreate the humor of the story in this post. I think you’ll enjoy it!

Let’s rewind to the early 2000’s; the exact year doesn’t matter. I was old enough to know better. I had decided to make my girlfriend (somehow, now my wife) a cake for her birthday. As much as I wanted to show up with a Dairy Queen cake (which she undoubtedly would have preferred), a sheet cake, or one of those big ones that I could pop out of; I decided to bake her a cake.

Unfortunately, we didn’t have any cake mix laying around so I went to town to grab her favorite: vanilla cake with Rainbow Chip frosting. We only lived about a half mile outside of town, so no big deal! I was happy to do it! After I got the necessities: Betty Crocker cake mix, rainbow chip frosting, and a Mountain Dew to fuel my baking endeavor, I was ready to go!.

When I got home, I looked at the box and read the directions:
1.) Preheat the oven to 350ish
2.) Mix ingredients for about 2 minutes.
3.) Bake.
4.) Cool & frost.
5.) Enjoy.
That’s slightly paraphrasing, but you get it. I turned on the oven and started mixing ingredients: Pre-packaged flour mixture, check. Vegetable oil, check. Milk, check…..3 whole eggs.

This is where things hit a bit of a snag. The box said “3 whole eggs”, with a picture of 3 whole eggs. . .

Now, this didn’t seem quite right to me. I don’t remember ever seeing 3 whole eggs go into anything that my mom had baked before. Most of her stuff turned out pretty good and anything that didn’t, she blamed on the oven anyways! So I thought “Okie dokie!” and threw them in. 3 complete and shelled eggs. I continued to mix up my concoction; thinking “I might be in contention for ‘Best Boyfriend of the Year’, this is gonna be great!”. Once I got everything mixed up to my liking, I put it in the greased 9×13 pan and baked for 32-35 minutes.

About a half hour later, I took out the cake from the oven–it smelled AMAZING!
But… something looked odd. The nice golden brown cake had white ‘speckles’ everywhere, some speckles were bigger than others, but it was pretty noticeable. Now, I knew I probably did something wrong, but couldn’t put my finger on it. So I did what any teenager does when something goes wrong:

“Hello, Mom?…Yeah…umm… I don’t think the egg whites mixed in very good with Kate’s cake”

Yep, that’s right. I referred to the broken pieces of shell as “egg whites”. (We couldn’t afford the fancy brown ones—which in hindsight, would have probably cleared this whole mess up right away). What you will read below is a rough translation of a phone call that took place one October afternoon in the early 2000’s between one teenager and a very confused mother.
Mom: “Well they….what? Are you sure? They should have just dissolved into the mixture”
Me: “Yeah, well they didn’t, I can see them”
Mom: “You can see them? What do you mean you can see them?”
Me: “I don’t know, like….I can see them…with my eyes. They stand out pretty good against the golden brown cake”
Mom (at this point probably realizing that saving for my college education was a giant waste of time): “Maybe you didn’t mix it very well…you did 2 minutes, right?”
Me: “Yeah…I didn’t time it, but I think so”
Mom: “Well, maybe you have to try again”
Me: *Dumps entire cake into trash can*

Back to town I go, hi-ho, hi-ho-hi-ho-hi-ho…

Round 2.


This time, the oven is very well pre-heated. To this day, I’m pretty sure that I never turned it off. I grabbed the pre-packaged flour, the milk, the vegetable oil and started mixing these three things together first.

And then I grabbed the 3 little eggs….BUT, this time; they got their own special treatment. They got their own little bowl, with an immersion blender. This time, I took all 3 eggs (‘egg whites’ included) and ground the literal hell out of them with that immersion blender. After about 5 minutes of this, I had 3 mixed eggs with a very ‘pea-soup’ like consistency.

I dumped my egg mixture into the rest of the ingredients and shouted: “Alexa! set a timer for two minutes”.

Just kidding, this was ‘back in the day’, we didn’t have luxuries like Alexa. I used my phone, like a caveman.

I mixed it for 2 minutes and threw it into the oven. 32-35 minutes later, the most beautiful single layer cake you’ve ever seen came out of the oven! Cooled that thing off, and slapped on some frosting.

I practiced my speech for the “Boyfriend of the Year” award ceremony on the entire drive to her house.

I showed up to her house, puffed out my chest, and presented her with her favorite type of cake. She was really excited! I could barely decide on how I was going to spend all of these “brownie points”! Since her mom was home as well, we all chatted for awhile and then it was the time that I’ve all been waiting for: cake time. We cut the cake and were ready to eat when at the very last second…

Like, literally the last possible second–cake was on the fork, centimetres from our mouths-just like a dramatic movie scene.

My mom calls, basically in tears. She was now at home and had pieced this mess together. I most likely didn’t clean up anything from making the two cakes (#teenager), so she had a pretty hot trail to follow.
Mom: “Did you put the….Did you put the….*uncontrollable laughter*…Did you put WHOLE eggs into the cake?”
Me: “YOU SAID THE EGG WHITES WOULD DISSOLVE!!!”
Mom (now browsing convertibles with my college savings): “Yes, the egg WHITES would dissolve…the SHELLS would not!! *more uncontrollable laughter* I can’t believe you put the whole egg in!….wait….*now laughing at near-fatal levels*…did you make TWO cakes THE SAME WAY???!”
Me: “…..But….the picture on the back……(now immediately realizing the magnitude of my stupidity)..umm”

*click*

I yelled out to Kate and her mom: “Don’t eat the cake!! IT’S POISON!”. I then had to explain why we couldn’t eat this particular cake. I also told her that if she wanted to be with someone who knew the difference between an ‘egg shell’ and an ‘egg white’ that I would understand and could show myself out.

Now, Kate and her mom; being the nice, ‘never hurt anyone’s feelings’ types of people they are said “we can still eat it!”. Ah yes, the pity was in full force that afternoon, but I took it anyways. We all ate one piece, and then I ate about 4 more just to prove a point. In all honesty, it probably wasn’t as bad as many of you are thinking. The flavor was very good; but the texture…. Man, that texture was a bit ‘gritty’.

To this day, anyone who knows this story will bring it up in some capacity whenever a baked good or eggs are being prepared in my presence.

I hope this story got you to laugh, or at least smile and blow air out of your nose a little harder at times. 2020 sucks, but we’ll make it through! Mental health has taken a hit recently for a lot of people and they say that laughter is the best medicine, so I hope this helped. If you liked the story, please share it with your friends and family that you think could use a good laugh at my expense.

Take care everyone,

ML

If you liked this one, please check out some other stories!

2018 New Year’s Resolution Recap

Happy New Year Everyone! I’m starting off 2019 by immediately looking backwards into 2018! In 2018 I set some New Year’s Resolutions and for the first time in my life, made a semi-conscious effort to adhere to them. This may make you feel really good about your own resolutions!

Let’s recap with letter grades…

Continue reading “2018 New Year’s Resolution Recap”

The Mattress Story

 

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, so I wanted to make sure that I got one or two more written before the end of 2018.

I was trying to think of a story to write that I thought everyone would enjoy and my wife suggested “The Mattress Story”. So here it goes…

Continue reading “The Mattress Story”

I Tried A Bidet

I’ll bet that got your attention!

So this past weekend, my family and I were invited to the family cabin of our good friends Adam & Bridget. Side-note check out Adam’s photography business. Dude knows how to use a camera! ADH Creative Solutions. My family made the “family section” see if you can find me, 10 points if you can.

Anyways, I’ll do my best to set the scene for you without losing all of my followers and grossing you out. . .

Continue reading “I Tried A Bidet”

Memorial Day Memories

Isn’t that a beautiful picture??!!

So as I start this post, it’s 9pm on Saturday, May 26th and I’m 3 Captain Morgan & Sprites deep right now, so we’ll see how this post goes. Spelling and grammar could become an issue later in the post as the Captain takes over. The timeline might not make sense either-because I’m not going to do the whole thing in one shot. You’ve read my blog, its never only 2 paragraphs…Anyways, this is the first post I’ve written sitting by a campfire surrounded by in-laws; hence the Captain & Sprite (kidding guys—if you read this).

I don’t post nearly as much as I wanted to when I started itmightbemike.com. I had big dreams of doing 4 posts, gaining 23 million followers and making stacks of cash off advertisement placement. So far, I’ve earned $.37 since the blog started and no big endorsement deals yet… I’m barely making enough to cover my typing costs.

Anyways, I have gotten so many people reach out to tell me how much they enjoy the blog. Kate’s cousin John (John’s wife Michelle took the above picture…more on that later) told me “yeah, they’re….they’re….yeah-they’re pretty good” when referring to my blog posts-and John just doesn’t pass out compliments willy-nilly. So, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my lengthy blog posts. I genuinely enjoy when people tell me that they enjoy the posts. So, again-thank you! Conversely, if you don’t like them-please never tell me because I can’t take it, but I’ve covered that before.

Memorial Weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the year! Something about the 3 day weekend to start the summer off just seems to hit the spot. Also, tied along with Memorial Day is Bass Opener. I love fishing for bass; they fight hard, they’re generally easy to catch for a part-time fisherman like myself; and early in the year when the water is cold-they taste pretty good. Please know that I’m very aware that Memorial Day isn’t for me to have a 3 day weekend to go fishing and golfing. It is a time when we reflect on the men and women we have lost serving our Country so that wimps like me who don’t serve our Country, can go fishing and golfing whenever we want to.

To those who have served or currently serve…Thank you.

Every year we go up to Area Lake in Central Minnesota to catch some bass. My in-laws and I always have a competition between the two boats. 9 times out of 10, my brother in-law Rob and myself win the competition between my other brother-in-law, Dan; and father-in-law, Ryan.

This year, was number 10.

The night before launch, my cousin-in-law (is that a thing?—I’m calling it a thing), Mark texted me and said “I’d be willing to fish with you and Rob, if you had an extra spot and extended an invitation”. Well, Rob and I delineated for hours over the decision. Do we dare offset the delicate balance that has existed in the 1984 Lund that has been so good to us the past several years? Well, Mark is good people, so we decided to let him join in the fun.

Heading over to our favorite spot on Area Lake, the boat motor hiccupped, gagged, and then projectile vomited. We had been zipping the across the lake at break-neck speeds, when all of a sudden we were dead in the water. Luckily, we had Firestone Auto’s finest mechanic sitting center position in the boat. So, I expected Mark to pop up and MacGyver something out of a gum wrapper, empty beer can, 5” piece of fishing line, and the anchor. Unfortunately, he doesn’t work on boat motors.

We were only about ¼ of a mile to the honey-hole, so my father and brother-in-law had no trouble pulling us the rest of the way, ribbing us the entire way—which was expected, of course. So, that is story of the picture above: John & Michelle and Jeremy & Betsy (that’s right, I’m calling you all out by name) thought it would be fun to take a picture of us getting towed instead of, I don’t know…helping. Well the picture turned out pretty darn cool looking, so jokes on them. I think we caught more fish per person than they did anyways. ;)

Anyways, as you can imagine, Rob was a bit upset that his boat wasn’t working on one of the most important fishing weekends of the year. He wasn’t necessarily complaining-just negative, as was I. Well, the aforementioned Mark, who is having open heart surgery at the end of June (with a 1 month old at home), spoke up and said “Ok, I’m having open heart surgery in a month—so, only positive vibes in this boat!”.

It was at that time, that both Rob and I decided that maybe a boat motor lower unit wasn’t that important.

We spent the rest of the morning making fun of each other, laughing excessively, sharing stories of marriage and parenting, and generally talking smart; all while catching a couple fish. It was genuinely one of the most fun times that I’ve had in a boat. One of those times where you remember laughing your ass off, but you don’t remember any specifics or why you laughed. It was tons of fun! We trolled around for another 3 hours before deciding to head home, knowing it was going to take at least an hour to get home at a top trolling speed of 30lbs thrust.

While on the troll home, we went over a spot of the lake that was about 75’ deep and I thought “why not try to catch a sea monster” and threw a deep dive Rapala over the edge of the boat and caught….

A snail. An actual, literal, real life, slow-moving snail. In 50’ of water. Here’s the picture.

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Look closely…the hook is actually through the snail!

Saturday afternoon, after we limped the boat home, the in-law cousins came over for a fish fry from the morning’s catch. Let’s just say that it’s a good thing Kate’s aunt Mary brought potato salad. But, it was a lot of fun watching all of the “grandkids” playing together for a couple hours. Even if it did involve yelling “KEEP THE SAND IN THE SANDBOX” at least 43 times.

Sunday morning, we decided to head over to Carlos Creek Winery to sample some wines. I’ve sampled them all-I’m a Wine Club Member (humble brag), but it’s free and it’s a 5 mile drive from The Lone Birch (a name that has been bestowed upon the cabin due to one birch tree on the property). They had a food truck, but only served burgers, hot dogs, fries, and cheese curds. I was a bit disappointed because when I heard “Food Truck”, I expected to see tens of tens of food trucks lining the driveway of the winery, not one tiny truck parked in an handicap space. Whatever, it was overpriced good food and we had a great time tasting wine. If you’re in Central Minnesota—give Carlos Creek Winery a shot, they have a very good selection of different wines from dry reds to sweet white dessert wines.

Kate and I always have a habit of kind of “going with the flow” with whatever plans are made, which makes it easy for everyone else; but can get stressful for us with the kiddos if plans are made. We’re both passive people pleasers—it’s a curse, but it is what it is. This weekend we made a conscious effort to do our own thing. So, we decided to take the girls to a beach to let them get their feet in the water a bit! They had so much fun and we really enjoyed watching them laugh and play by themselves! One thing I noticed is that people need to pay attention to their kids around water. I watched this one lady scroll through her phone for 15 minutes at a time before looking up to check on her kids. I couldn’t believe it. How easy would it be for the water (or some creep) to grab those kids and go? Look, I know I’m addicted to my phone, I get it—but around dangerous situations and/or when they are laughing and smiling and being kids, I’m addicted to my kids. Be addicted to your kids. This picture is my favorite!

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Isn’t she cute? :)

Later that evening, we went to get Ice Cream at Tip Top Dairy Bar in Osakis, MN. It was 90 degrees out and we had a very busy day. The entire famdamily went out to get ice cream with us. I had a post several weeks ago about eating healthy, well that goes out the window with Ice Cream. Tell me with a straight face that something tastes better than a hot fudge and caramel sundae.
You can’t. It was a great end to Sunday!

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Brain freeze!!!!!

Memorial Day morning, I was able to get 9 holes of golf in. After hole #3, my clubs and shoes were for sale on eBay for $5 . I actually finished the round with 3 straight pars, so now they’re listed at $200. I shot a 48-not great, but I’m not an avid golfer. They’re probably still for sale. When I got home, I took my 3 year old fishing off of the dock for some sunfish. Fishing with her basically involves me holding a $2 garage sale “Bratz” fishing rod watching a bobber while Grace sits next to me for 18 seconds before running up to the shore to get rocks to throw into the water. I guess it helps alert the fish that we’re there. On occasion, one fish will dodge the barrage of incoming pebbles and bite the hook. This is when Grace takes over-I’m not allowed to reel the fish in. After a 5 minute intense battle between a 3 year old and a 3 inch fish, I get the enjoyment of taking a flopping sunfish off of a hook. Once it’s off, she lets me hold the fish (at this point, the top fin spikes are usually firmly lodged in my palm) so she can touch the fish. Always the eye. She always has to touch the eye. There are at least 20 sunfish in Area Lake with poor eyesight.

It was a very fun and enjoyable weekend! We left about noon on Monday, so the kiddos could sleep on the way home.

How’s that for a poor ending to a blog post? Truthfully, the little “word counter” in the bottom right hand corner of my screen currently says “1,762 words”, so I’m getting self-conscious of the post length. So, that’s why I’m wrapping it up now. BYE!

Again, thanks for reading and if you enjoyed it-please share!!

Thank you,

ML

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